That's pretty blatant of your husband to say that he was checking out what life would be like. Seems no matter what you to try to stop him, he'll only want to do it even worse or even acuse you back of sobotage. Just say if goes through with this, you will explore other options including divorce. At this point in your life, fiancial stability is very important. He will protect himself as do you.My husband has a breakfast date. He's checking out his options. I need advice!?
Has your husband agreed to go to counseling with you? If so, ask him to hold off on having breakfast until you've had a few sessions. After 30 years of marriage it is ridiculous that he would say he wanted to see what his life might be like with someone else. Reading between the lines, it sounds like your marriage is over as far as he is concerned.
Making a scene or intefering with his plans to meet this woman will only frustrate you. Let him go. In the meantime, schedule a breakfast meeting of your own--with a good attorney.
Whatever else you do, go ahead with the counseling, with or without him. Sounds like you have spent a lot of years being your husband's emotional doormat. He's letting you know he wants to see if he can ';trade up,'; and all you can do is criticize yourself? You really need the counseling.
Good luck to you.
i think you brought this on yourself, let him go that is the least you can do, you already ruined 30 years what one day of happiness for him
gl
Your husband is unbelievably cruel, to discuss options with other women WITH you while still MARRIED to you. Has he always been this selfish and self-absorbed? If I were you, I'd just say, ';Please don't do this,'; before he leaves (to register your opposition), then let him go to breakfast, and then on to work -- and by the time he got home, the locks would be changed, and his suitcase would be sitting on the front steps. He wants to explore other options? Go right ahead, but not on your time.
Do NOT make a scene, do not insist on accompanying him. It is undignified and beneath you. Call a divorce lawyer NOW and see what your options are, and start collecting information on your finances, etc. Copy, copy, copy! If you can, get a private detective between now and then and arrange to have him photographed at this breakfast with this woman. It will be a piece of evidence, in case you need it later. Make sure you save the cell and phone records, too, to track phone calls. He is acting like an idiot, it doesn't mean that you have to, too. Besides, there's no guarantee that this woman will want to have anything to do with him. Take that s.o.b. for all he's worth. You can try counseling, but frankly, he's so incredibly self-centered, it takes my breath away. I can't see where it would do much good if he's in the throes of a massive dose of mid-life crisis. (Or, if he were my husband: ';Mid-life crisis?'; You ain't SEEN 'crisis' yet, buddy!';)
If he is even considering it, then you are by far better than he is. Since this isn't the first time, I would get out. You deserve better than this and no man has the right to treat you that way! Don't let 30 years keep you by an unfaithful man's side.
If you have been married for 30 years, you must be in your 50's or at least last 40's. Get rid of his azz, get him busted for adultry and take him for all he is worth. If he is saying things like that to you, he honestly must not be happy with your relationship. Sorry to be so harsh. Bust his balls and take everything he has, including money.
I don't care WHO you are. You can do better. But..maybe he's going through a mid-life crisis and is just at a crossroad in his life. If it was several years ago...maybe she makes him feel younger. Men will feed off any kind of attention that they get. I say find someone to have breakfest with.. at a BETTER restaurant with a BETTER looking guy..
..sure I could say get counseling, but puhleaz...that is so over ratted
He's a JERK! You need to either stop him from going or go with him! You may want to remind him of his wedding vows!
If I were you, I'd kill him!
If it were me. I would show up.
Do not make a Scene. Just sit down at the table with them both (without ripping her hair out). lean her and call her a homewreaker and then lean into him and say, if you want to be married you will be leaving with me. Then if he doesnt move.. RIP HER HAIR OUT!!!!
Your husband should not even consider meeting a woman who he still may have feelings with! This is just plain wrong, and you should really consider sitting him down and talking with him.
Present the 'shoe one the other foot' and see how he would react if the situation was the other way around. Him wanting to see another woman, will only open the door to disaster in your marriage. Because not only is your husband 'fantasizing' about how it would be like to with this other woman, but now he will have the opportunity to actually act it out, by meeting her.
If you want a failed marriage, you letting your husband see this woman, will result in a failed marriage; because who is not to say, that he and this woman will not do something more after seeing eachother?
Oh, and definitley introduce yourself as his WIFE, if in fact you decide to be Ok with him seeing another woman. Make it clear to both him and her, that you are his mate.
When my husband was scheduled to go to the beach with a girl from work, I called her us and told her I wasn't comfortable with it. She called it off. So I would suggest you call her up and tell her the situation or just let him go and see what happens. Under no circumstance get in the car and act like a child. Most of all don't yell and swear and carry on, it only gives him ammunition to call you a raving maniac.
My husband went through this a year ago with him and another woman and he stayed with me. Once the excitement of it being new and different wore off. I'm going through it now with another man. We met at 14 and got married at 18 so we just had no other experiences. I don't know your background with your husband but it may all work out.
STOP IT !!!! any and every way you can, call her up also and tell her to knock it off................take it from experience !!!!
HE'S JUST NO THAT INTO YOU... SORRY TO SAY BUT IF HE WANT TO SEE WHAT LIFE IS LIKE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. I THINK THAT SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU NEED A MAN WHO IS NOT GOING TO TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED LIKE THIS ONE. YOU DESERVE BETTER. DON'T GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION OF MAKING A SCENE OVER HIS BREAKFAST. JUST KICK HIS BUT OUTTA THE HOUSE OR PACK YOUR THINGS UP!!!
Tell him if he wants to go you are going with him. I hate to say it, but if after 30 years he is looking for other options, he must not be happy and maybe you both would be better off divorced.
Okay, this is completely against good sense... but then again, you want to know how to win and this is how... after the breakfast date, do not show ANY negative emotion. Don't show that you are hurt. If you do you will loose him. Instead, sit down and ask him how he felt. Tell him that you too have thought about where other people are in their life. Tell him that you have also had doubts and wondered about things. Then, ask him whether he thinks that your marriage is something that you both want. IF YOU TRY TO CHANGE THIS YOU WILL LOOSE YOUR MARRIAGE. If you open up a non-threatening dialog - where he can be open with you without hiding emotions; then you might get somewhere. Instead of counselling, find yourself a friend who you can talk to. The more you seem indifferent to his infractions; the more likely you are to stay together. But dear, your marriage may already be over. People leave marriages all of the time before they tell their spouse. This is just your best chance of keeping him. Velvet chains.
first off, be careful not to do anything rash or making a scene at the breakfast. that will only cause him to further want to see this woman and further doubt that your relationship is as strong as maybe his could be with this woman. imagine if you made a scene while they were talking, flirting, etc etc. He would only be embarressed over you and feel sorry for her, further drawing himself to her.
what you need to do is sit him down and tell him exactly how this makes you feel. that to you, this is cheating. he may not do anything physical with this woman, but he's opening the door to it. and even worse, he's cheating on you with someone else on an emotional level. it's one thing if he clicks with someone or there's some instant chemistry with someone. but for him to go out there and pursue this chemistry further is infidelity of the heart. and you need him to know that's how you feel. that cheating isn't just about doing something physical. and if he does this, then you will consider this cheating and clearly it shows how little he cares for your feelings.
he may try to say it's just breakfast and he just wants to have a little harmless fantasy. but nothing about this is harmless. you can't control your emotions, only your actions. and he's opening himself up to letting his emotions grow so strong that he could end up just wanting to physically cheat or even worse, get a divorce.
ask him to imagine what he would think if you did the same thing. if you met a man you were romantically interested in for breakfast or coffee. Just because you wanted to see what life would be like with him. See if he can HONESTLY tell you that he wouldn't care.
also suggest to him that even after this if he insists on having breakfast, that he push it off until you guys get a chance to go see a counselor because you NEED to understand why he needs to do this and why he's willing to do this at the expense of hurting you badly.
if after all of this, he still won't budge, then he sounds like a bigger jerk than you're describing and i can only wish u the best of luck and brace yourself. the guy is taking you for granted and that's not fair. but you have to start thinking, unfortunately, for the worse.
good luck.
Well, You could let him go but I don't think it will work out well. Very calmly tell him that if he goes to check out life without you then you will not be there when he gets back. And then if he goes, leave.
i think your husband is an ***~ sorry to say, but checking out his options when he's already married is out of the question. if i were you i would make sure to show up at the resturant and introduce yourself as his WIFE (does she know that he's married..?)
if your husband cares about you he should not do it. that is soo disrespectfull. let him go but tell him there will be conseconses if he chose to go
Leave a note on the windshield wiper.
';When the car leaves, the lawyer is called. No negotiating.';
Scratch that. Call the lawyer NOW. Let him go eat breakfast. Get proof of adultery. Own his balls.
You need to decide if you are happy with who you've become.
If you are not happy with who you are then why should your husband.
It sound like you have grown complacent and your husband wants more than that.
I would say figure out what you can do to better yourself and do it.
Love is a wonderful, yet fragile thing. To keep it you need to keep risking all of yourself and still there are not securities that it will stay.
Great love requires great risk.
First of all.....you sound like you are blaming yourself for his stupid actions....stop!!!!....you have all the right in the world to be mad as hell...he is married to you not her.....theirs a girl my husband thinks about from time to time and it bothers me but i know i'm a good womaen and if he ever ask me can he go out with her just to see what it would have been like then he can just kiss my azz bye for good....because he is saying in other words he don't thnk that you are good enough for him...and that's a slap in your face . You are not a door mat don't let him walk over you. He should have thought of this girl before yall got married. ask him if he want to be with her go and don't come his azz back....30 years is along time to be married for him to start acting stupid now......just know it's not your fault and he is just being a sorry azz man.,..and don't tell that women nothing a ho** is gonna be a ho*** nothing you can do about that but as far as your husband eal with him
I'd scope it out, you need to know. I'm getting a divorce after 30 years, know the feeling.
Get in the car and go see a divorce lawyer in your city. Choose the best one, not the least expensive. Your future will depend on this trip. Explain your situation and get all the facts for your state. You need to know what your combined finances are. Get hold of the income tax form and that will help locate the accounts. You need to make sure ';lover boy'; doesn't have in mind that he can clean out the accounts and put them in his name only. Do it today. You need to watch out for yourself because he is not going to watch out for you. This is serious if he is telling you he is leaving his options open. In fact, I think he told you to soften the blow....he is going to leave and make a life with her. Play this smart and you will come out good. Play it like a little kid by causing a scene or sitting in your car and you will certainly lose everything. Don't sign anything he puts in front of you. Don't agree to anything with him. Just be nice, get the info and get going on slapping him with a divorce. You forget about HIS meeting and go to YOUR meeting with a divorce lawyer. You need to be strong because this is no time for weakness. Then when you are divorced, join a gym, get fit, lose those extra pounds....there is no better revenge than looking great! Then if he says: Why didn't you do it for me? You can tell him he wasn't worth the effort.
Well, it seems that he has been honest with you...and it isn't her fault...he is your husband. Maybe it is time to realize it is over and walk away. Or possibly it is time for you to put up or shut up. If you want him, then prove it! Show him, that you are willing to try anything to stay with him. Don't wait for him to make up his mind...do what ever it is that you need to do! But, this will only help keep you two together, if he is willing as well. But, maybe it is the first step for you to find yourself.
Good luck
i think your husband is awful to treat you this way but if you want to keep this marriage you should go to counseling to see if there is anything to save. if my husband had an idea like that i would tell him that if he did go to that breakfast he could just go ahead and pack his bags.
why are you trying to make it work with someone who clearly does not respect you? its obvious if this other woman wants to be with him that he will leave you.
quite frankly though, if my husband told me he wanted to see what life is like with another woman he would come back home to find all his stuff shredded to pieces on the front lawn, the locks changed and a big gaurd dog to attack him if he tries to get back in.
however if you are determined to make this work sit him down and talk to him. have him make a choice. work on your marriage or dont come back.
good luck!
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